To the Guy who used to stand under my Umbrella

I never thought that I would be writing you this letter. There was a time when I thought that our love would endure and nothing could come between us. When our paths crossed, I knew that there’s something in you that I wanted to dig out. Our meeting was one of the most interesting twists on my life. Who would have thought to meet her Prince Charming on a screen?

Our story was a fast forward telenovela. It did not take you too long to ask a life-changing question. It was our first time to Skype and you asked me if I could be your girlfriend. In my thought I was like, “OMG!!”, “Seriously?”, “This is it!” And because random excitements have been running in my mind that time, I was not able to say my sweetest response, “Yes”, until you tagged me to a lifetime event in Facebook.  Many of my friends and family were surprised that this aloof and shy Princess had finally met her Prince.

Before I met you, I taught myself to be strong and I built up my own walls around me. I told myself that it would take someone enough courage to break down those walls. I did not think that I was the one who unconsciously breaking down my own walls for your sake.

As I learned more about you, you were slowly taking a bit part of my heart. You were so funny and I loved how you made me laugh. I discovered more about you but one thing I admired most was your devotion to God.  I loved how you would tell me that you were praying for me.

I then started to get closer to your family and I could imagine how perfect your life was. You had a good career and you’re living in one of the first class cities in the world. But I could felt the loneliness in your heart, it seemed like something was missing. There was sadness in your heart, a part of you that you were not able to understand.

I was still in my last year in college when our romance started. You surprised me of coming to my graduation day. I couldn’t believe it! But the most surprising part was I have fallen in love with you. I haven’t seen you in real life that time and yet I felt like that I have met you somewhere in the world before. It seemed like you were familiar to me and my feelings for you were no longer unusual, that I had once used to this kind of feelings but with the same person.

I believed that it was not an accident when our paths have crossed. You came in my life with a purpose and you have brought me new perspectives. You have brought me joy, peace, love, and hope. You’ve made me believed that love never fails.  Despite the distance we were facing, we still loved each other unconditionally.

I was standing at the airport while my heart was pounding too fast.  I could still imagine how I felt when I first saw you. I was running out of breath and words but you walked towards me confidently and hugged me. You have met my family and friends afterwards, they really admired you for being courteous and respectful. I thought you only came here to attend my graduation, but also to ask me to be your wife. When you popped out the magic question, “Will you marry me?” I was totally overjoyed and I gave you my sweetest “yes”.  Then you were finally promoted from boyfriend to Fiancé. Our engagement was a transition of our lives and we anchored it to the Cross. It was the cross where Jesus was crucified that has brought us together, it was God’s plan that you and I were going to meet.

We started planning our wedding, you were there and I was here. Everything was going well according to plan and we were so excited to be meeting at the altar. But there were things that we couldn’t control, things that have changed the plans we had.  Three weeks before the wedding, we faced a life-wrecking situation. The wedding was cancelled and we have spent a lot for it.

Things changed eventually after that terrible surprised. We tried to hold on to each other despite the storm and we were able to smile in the midst of weeping. You still came here for my birthday and we planned to be together soon. We talked about marrying in London so I needed to make haste of my papers. But there were processes that I need to follow and it would take me time to get a Fiancé visa.

We faced more problems then, and those added more to our frustrations. We were so busy getting to be with each other physically that we did not notice that we were drifting emotionally. When things have changed, the way we viewed the situation have also changed.  We got never-ending arguments. We started to blame each other. And we were displacing our personal frustrations to each other. I tried to remain strong believing that you would never left me alone in this fight and that you would never gave up. But your heart had changed too, you saw me as the problem. You get easily upset with me. I tried to understand you even though I needed to be understood too. I set aside my own emotions so I could be able to stand strong for you and us. But you chose to let go.

When you turned your back from me, it seemed like the whole world turned its back too because I used to set you as the center of my world. When you were gone, you only left me a residue of pain without hesitating to turn around. In the end, we were stuck in two different worlds with a screen in the middle. But the real screens that have been blocking and keeping us away from each other were pride, doubts, anger, and selfishness.

Our story was like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs. But all things worked together for good and again, you came into my life for a purpose. That purpose could be a life experience that I would always carry on my journey. We had once shared one umbrella when the rain poured hard, but you could keep on coming back when you needed a shelter. 

wait.

As a little girl, I used to watch Disney princesses and believed in happy ever after. I started to dream about my wedding day wearing a beautiful wedding dress flowing and shining. I was so excited to meet my Prince, someone who would wait for me in the altar with a smile I could never resist. I looked forward for that day. However, God told me to wait because He has prepared someone special for me. But waiting was difficult and I became impatient by giving away my heart to someone. I thought it was already a dream come true, a love I was desperately hoping. But everything went unpleasant, everything I was hoping for was gone. And I heard Him again saying, "My daughter, I died for you in the cross as a proof of how much I love you and how much I care for you, that's why I told you to WAIT! Tears flowing while I simply humble myself to Him.

Waiting, my dear, is lonely. It is the time when you draw closer to God and not with any man. It is lonely because no one can understand you, and only God is there to help you along the way. Waiting is full of tears and sadness because you feel insecure. But cheer up, you are a precious apple worth waiting for. My dear daughter, there is only one word I want to say, WAIT!

When the time you commit yourself to wait, please pray for patience as well. It's a lot way harder if you wait impatiently, I hope you've learned my lesson. One day, I've met your dad in a most unexpected way. I heard no trumpets, no fireworks display, no choir singing. It's just God, him, and me. You're father is really wonderful, and all I could say is, he's worth the wait. I've waited for the man of my prayers. Time will come that you're going to get married, but please WAIT!

Wait for the man who will love you for who you are. I love eating and sometimes (or oftentimes) your dad would just tease me for eating a lot than the way he does. But he still loves me.
Wait for the man who prays for you daily, and will ask you from God, then to your father.
Wait for the man who will bring you closer to God.
Wait for the man who loves God more than you.
Wait for the man who loves his mother and sister and respect other people.
Wait for the man who puts you as his priority than anyone else.
Wait for the man who can lead you in life
Wait for the man who has the courage to climbed the tree all the way to the top just to have you.
Wait for the man who treats you like a princess just like what you're father was doing for me.
Wait for the man who will hold you forever.

My daughter, there is always blessing for those who wait. Don't rush for someone who don't deserver you. God has someone for you in His perfect time. Just Wait!

Modesty: A Matter of the Heart

1 Timothy 2:9 
 " In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array."

I'm  already done talking about the impermanent nature of our flesh. Now, I'm going to tackle about proper modesty and adornment. This is the most critical topic that I will be discussing since I know that everyone will not going to like  it. And I believe that I can not convinced every women to be modest because modesty is a matter of heart and conviction. But Paul reminded us in 1 Timothy 2:9 on how women should properly bring herself towards people, especially men. But the question is, how would we know if we are dressing modestly? This is a hard question because our view of modesty is relative. But I am not going to emphasize how each of us view modesty in our own point of views. However, I'll be talking about modesty in different perspectives; historically, socially, scientifically, and on how these three perspectives are inline with what the Bible says. Proper modesty have been always an issue for us, ladies, because we don't want to look bad. Well, looking good is never been an issue, but if your motive is wrong, then that's another story. Sometimes our motive is to please someone we love. Of course, we want to be presentable in front of that special someone. But if our motive is to seduce him, so he will think of it as an invitation. Also, we could always look good without too much  jewelries. Honestly, I hate them not because I am allergic, I just don't feel wearing them. I am not telling you to hate jewelries too they way I do, but I suggest if you will minimize it, you know it's annoying sometimes.
 Way back many centuries ago, women in old times tend to dress properly. In Japan, they have yukata. Chinese have hanfu. Korean have handbook. Filipinas have Baro and Saya. And western countries, mostly they have a long gowns. Proper clothing for women  in the old times are  part of each countries culture. It shows how women look so beautiful the way they dressed up. It would also show the attitude and personality of women in that particular country. Moreover, the way women dressed up in history shows their status in the society. It's a symbol of wealth and fame. And for scientific point of view, women should cover up herself since it's a man's nature to imagine something else when he sees the woman's thigh and cleavage. The chemical combination of a man's hormone will send signal to his brain and that's the time when he started to imagine a girl naked. Ladies, we will know that just by looking at the man's eyes.
These three perspectives have something to explain with what Paul have said in 1 Timothy 2:9. Sometimes, women would ask, "what's wrong with me wearing miniskirt?. It's still only one inch above the knee. It's not my problem if men will look at me. Hey, my jewelries are expensive, so what?". My heart troubles every time I see women with plunging neckline, short skirts, very tight jeans, and a see-through-blouse. There was a time when I rode a Jeep and there's a lady wearing a very very short skirt beside me. In front of us were men looking at her. I then started to read the mind of those men. The that lady was complaining why those men kept looking at her. I told her, "Hello Miss, it's not their fault why they keep on looking at your smooth legs. It's yours. So next time, please try to wear something proper." Then I went down from the Jeep and smiled at her. Nowadays, ladies tend to show more flesh as if everyday is a fashion show. Let's try to respect ourselves first, ladies, because real beauty is skin-deep. Try to think of this, do you want men to look at your body or do you want men to look at your face? Men who would look at your body is thinking of...you know it already. But if men will look at you in the face, he would think of you as beautiful. So, if you are asking on how to know if you are dressing appropriately, then try to face the mirror and ask yourself. "Will I offend someone else if I wear these? Do men respect me if they see me with this clothing? Will I glorify God if I wear these?. And how much could I do to show my faith, love, and commitment to Jesus Christ through my outward appearance?"So,  ladies, we should always bear in mind that we should dress to show our character, not our body. Let's try to please God than men because we are God's princesses and a princess is always properly dressed, polite, and well-mannered.

The Impermanent Nature of Our Flesh

As often, Ladies take a lot of time facing the mirror. We make it sure that everything is perfect, the eyebrow, the correct used of foundation, lipstick, blush on, and if our hair is properly fixed. Then we open our closet and look for our style-of-the-day outfits. There are also times when we faced the mirror and observed that we are gaining fats, our skin becomes dry, our hair needs an hot oil, then we scream out loud, and our hope seems like totally devastated. I am not against with the majority of us, ladies, who are guilty of these facts. What I am saying is that, there should be harmony or balance with what people see in the outside and what we are inside. Our physical appearance should match our character. We often neglect that beauty is skin-deep. And when we get older like  thirty or fifty years later, all of us can experience wrinkles, becoming fat, the color of our hair changes, then our physical beauty eventually fades away. But if we take a lot of time improving intellectually, emotionally, and of course spiritually, then we can be very productive. Intellectually, it means cultivating our brain and constantly learning, because you know learning has no terminal points. Emotionally, can we handle our emotions properly? Are we too aggressive? We should maintain to have a good mental health for us to be emotionally healthy.And spiritually, do we have a personal walk with God? Do we constantly pray and read His word? And do we have a relationship with God? It is very important for us, Ladies, to seek God in every aspects of our lives. He should be the first person whom we talk to in the morning and the last person whom we communicate with before we go to sleep. We should please Him in everything we do. Thus, taking care of our physical appearance like putting some make up on, good exercise, and a proper diet, is not bad at all. However, let's make sure that we are taking good care of what's behind it as well--our CHARACTER. Well, just a reminder of the impermanent nature of our flesh. Think about it! So, Ladies, let us stay beautiful inside and out by God's grace.